Saturday, August 01, 2009
mood: super damn freaking pissed.gosh, i can just about explode now. just came back from bpp and a new shop recently opened. so i saw this pretty shirt which i think is quite nice and would fit me. but i thought it would be ex, so i just ignored it and went to eat. then later, when sis and i were walking around, a looked at that shirt again and found out that it was only $10!!! omg, so later, i asked mummy whether i could but it,, since i havent bought a shirt since AGES. i expected her to ask how much it was and take a look at it, but i one glance at it and she immediately turned to jie and said ' dont you have this? you dont wear it anymore do you? so pass it to your sister.' i practically exploded inside me when i heard that. i told her that it was only $10 and that i havent bought a shirt in a super long time. but she didnt care. hello? i know im the youngest, but it doesnt mean that i have to get the pass-downs. omg, i just sat there crying in the car after that. i mean, i want a lot of things, but do i actually get any of them? NO. im not allowed to buy ANYTHING. but jie is. they dont even consider about buying things for me. they just look at jie and ask her to give me her unwanted things. ARGGGGHHHHHH! i think like 3/4 of my clothes are either pass downs or given, which im suppposed to wear. anything jie gets, and she doesnt want, then plop! it goes into my drawer. hardly any of my clothes is what i choose, what i want. gosh. i suffer from depression. sooner or later im going to jump out of the window. (i know some people are happy that i cant get clothes. they are such saddist. friends, you know who you are.)
next week im gonna try asking again. if mummy says no, then i'll seriously consider fasting.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
this is my blog entry which i typed in my phone cos my parents didnt let me use the com yesterday.OMG IM LIKE SUPER PISSED. When i came home form bpp, i asked my parents whether i could play the com before doing hw. NICELY. Then mummy said no, so i was super irritated (im telling you, i have a damn bitchy attitude). and then i went to the room with my moods. and then papa came in and he scolded me, saying that why i was like that and i had all the time in the world to finish it and yada yada wtf. he doesnt even know that i have inferencing exercises. omg. and her dares to say that. so i started crying (as usual) then i got better. but mummy had to spoil it all. i was reading a comic as a form of rst and i accidently knocked over a cup of milk. and it was only A BIT. gosh. and so i went to clean it, and mummy scolded me like shit and said that i had a bad attitude. so i was pissed (again) and then went back to the room to cry (as usual). Parents can be weird. They ask you to clear up the mess on the table and when you accidently spill a drop of something they scold you and say you 'yue bang yue mang.' downright slappable. I think i have an attitude prob. actually i know. a serious one. i think one day i can kill myself out of anger. like seriously. but dont worry. i wont harm people. i will only harm myself. maybe im emo too! i think i shall go for counselling. and anger management courses. next time, when im angry, i shall do the following.
(a) count to 1000
(b) Scream in my pillow
(c) heck care. just cry
(d) bite myself.
i think (c) and (d) are the best. cos crying relieves you of your sorrows and biting yourself helps to like relieve anger. and i cry damn esily. when someone doesnt tell me something then i start crying. inside of me. and when i go home. but never in front of them. told you im a bitch right? whatever. im pissed. dont talk to me.
3-6 pm